Living out of the Box

Since I chose Theatre as my course in college, I anticipated a life taht breaks in the circle of daily living. It has brought me to a world where passion and skills would squeezw you on both ends and ties you to everything that could make your being into a more humane state--feeling the hurt, happiness, love, success, failure and freedom. All of these packed in a single bag that I carry while taking my journey outside of the box which I once dreamt of getting in. I have been curious to what that box inside looks like...how it feels to be there. When I was younger, and thought the bag that I carry's getting empty, I fearlessly tried opening it. I hoped for a better atmosphere and better way of breathing. But I was surprised whan I finally saw its opening and touched its very sole. But I was disappointed. It was an empty; hallow space full of darkness and discord. there were no light of fulfillment, no songs of joy and absent of love to people who lives in it.


After what I saw, I thought, "Is this the life that people tend to choose after they had lived outside?" I feel I have to go out as soon as possible before I get drown and never see my own self again. Before I left, I checked my bag if tehre was something that was added but fortunately none from this sinking world was put in. The experience has given me more strength to continue the journey outside of the box; to endlessly fulfill a destiny of a broken but interceotive circle of my own daily pursuit--without doubt but full of courage, without numerous queations but full of experienced answers taht will help me to go on.


I have just been travelling on about a quarter side outside and not even getting to the top cover. I was just restless and needed rest to become better. And thank God, I did...

Now I'm fulfilled.

The "L" of my Misery

What happened this weekend just has to happen...it came crashing through all of what I was avoiding to be in my life for the past years that I am breathing. I became the not-so me when it happened. I let the situation take the command and before I knew it, I was in the deepest, catastrophical state which I can't get out! I swam in the mud sea, run away from the forest of evil and drank the pees of the fallen angels. I was trapped when I became human and died at the same time to be the best angel there was during the wee hours of the night.

The day after that, I felt I was a trash in the bed...stinking and has been forgotten to be laundered. Then I had to face my colleagues and seeing them in exuberant out of being all together, I decided to keep the dirt with myself. But If something is smelling bad, it will come out. The day finished with us doing our usual take-offs as mid-quarter individuals and foreseeing the following day in a brighter light. But it was different for me...I thought to myself, "why rejoice when you know you can never be clean again?" But one of those dearest co-existent in the restless life saw what I was going through. He didn't ask but I felt it was the right time for me to explode. Explode like a candle slowly dying, losing its power to light his own existence. I began talking to him.

It was just a short exchange of life-bugging realities. It was time to go to our lairs and reset what was done. When I was on my way home, I realized that whatever has happened it wan't because of me or those culprits of miseries but the life which I insistingly fighting for. It was becoming unappealing to my system, to others and to the whole living economy that I know of. I had to act fast before it was too late and die as a living idea of pure and excessive misery. I don't want that and I was never like that before what had happened.

Losing and finding myself is just like a monthly check-up of my sanity. And this life which slowly kills the whole system or idea of my breathing has to die! I don't have to die, but it has to...it must kill itself so misery is ended. Sanity is revived. Love to live.

Welcome Back...real world! Hell, where are you? come out, comeout wherever you are...

And so did I. After the success of my production, I'm back in the real world...

Facts. Trivias. Lies. Hopes.

All of them have grown so well since the last time I saw them.

Better get on my feet and start killing them.

I love blood...I hate love.

Cuddle.

Shot.

Death-------

is a very wonderful state while breathing.

VIRGIN LABFEST 5

untried. untested. unproduced plays
Writer's Bloc & Tanghalang Pilipino

SET A: School of Life (Mga Dulang Walang Pinag-aralan)
June 23: 3pm, 8pm
July 4: 8pm
July 5: 3pm

MPC by Job Pagsibigan, to be mounted by the SipatLawin Ensemble

Ang Huling Lektyur ni Misis Reyes by Tim Dacanay
directed by Hazel Gutierrez

Isang Mukha ng Pandaraya by Oggie Arcenas
directed by Roli Inocencio


SET B: It's Complicated (The Buhul-Buhol Trilogy)
June 24: 3pm, 8pm
July 3: 8pm
July 4: 3pm

Salise by J. Dennis Teodosio
directed by Roobak Valle

Ang Mamanugangin ni Rez by Clarissa Estuar
directed by Paolo O'Hara

So Sangibo A Ranon Na Piyatay O Satiman A Tadman by Rogelio Braga
directed by Riki Benedicto


SET C: Blood Sports (Trilohiyang Dinuguan )
June 25: 3pm, 8pm
July 3: 3pm
July 5: 8pm

Kitchen Medea by Kiyokazu Yamamoto, directed by Yoshida Toshihisa

Doc Resurrecion: Gagamutin ang Bayan by Layeta Bucoy
directed by Tuxqs Rutaquio

Asawa/Kabit by George de Jesus III, directed by George de Jesus III


SET D: The Family That _______s Together (Tatlong Dulang Walang Diyos)
June 26: 3pm, 8pm
June 30: 3pm
July 2: 8pm

Boy-Girl ang Gelpren ni Mommy by Sheilfa Alojamiento
directed by Carlo Pacolor Garcia

Maliw by Reuel Molina Aguila
directed by Edna Vida

Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White by George Vail Kabristante
directed by Paul Santiago


SET E: Life is a Trap (Three Plays in Search of Escape)
June 27: 3pm, 8pm
June 30: 8pm
July 1: 3pm

Isang Araw sa Peryahan by Nicolas B. Pichay
directed by Chris Millado

Paigan by Liza Magtoto
directed by Sigrid Bernardo

Hate Restaurants by David Finnigan, directed by J. Victor Villareal


The Virgin Labfest 4 Revisited
June 28: 3pm, 8pm
July 1: 8pm
July 2: 3pm

Ang Kalungkutan ng mga Reyna, written and directed by Floy Quintos

Ang Bayot, Ang Meranao at ang Habal-Habal sa Isang Nakababagot na Paghihintay sa Kanto ng Lanao del Norte by Rogelio Braga
directed by Nick Olanka

Uuwi na ang Nanay kong si Darna, Job Pagsibingan’s adaptation of Uuwi na ang Nanay Kong si Darna by Edgar Samar, directed by Catherine Racsag



STAGED READINGS
Bulwagang Amado Hernandez (Conference room)

June 25, 6pm
Kataksilan, Tim Dacanay’s adaptation and direction of Harold Pinter's Betrayal

June 27, 6pm
Noong Minsan May Nanungkulan sa San Lazaro, Joshua Lim So’s adaptation of Alfred Jarry's Ubu Roi
directed by Dennis Marasigan

June 30, 6pm
Breakups and Breakdowns by Joel Trinidad, directed by himself

July 1, 6pm
SPIT improvisational session

July 3, 6pm
Creative Writing Workshop showcase (Facilitator: Glenn Sevilla Mas)

July 5, 6pm
American Huangup
directed by Chris Millado


BOOK LAUNCHING: VIRGIN LABFEST ANTHOLOGY
June 23, 6pm Little Theater

The anthology, which includes 15 plays from years 1-4 of the Virgin Labfest, will be launched on the opening day of the Virgin Labfest. The following plays are included:

Year 1
Rite of Passage by Glenn Sevilla Mas
Geegee at Waterina by J. Dennis Teodosio

Year 2
Ang Unang Aswang by Rody Vera
The Palanca In My Mind by Job Pagsibigan
Tres Ataques de Corazon (The Angina Monologues) by Nicolas Pichay
Hubad by Liza Magtoto and Rody Vera

Year 3
Mga Obra ni Maestra by Njel de Mesa
Three Sisters: Isang Noh by Yoji Sakate
Teroristang Labandera by Debbie Ann Tan
Ellas Inosentes by Layeta Bucoy

Year 4
Pamantasang Hirang by Tim Dacanay

Dong-Ao by F. Sionil Jose

Masaganang Ekonomiya by Allan Lopez

Ang Bayot, Ang Meranao at ang Habal-Habal sa Isang Nakababagot na Paghihintay sa Kanto ng Lanao del Norte by Rogelio Braga

Ang Kalungkutan ng mga Reyna by Floy Quintos


Tickets to the Virgin Labfest are at P200 for main exhibition sets, P100 for the symposium and "Pay what you can" for play readings. For more details, please contact Tanghalang Pilipino at 8323661, or the CCP Box Office at 8323704.

Getting in the Reality

After a very all of what is there to do and achieve for the options that came for the past months in my life, I have successfully chosen what could be the best...and that is to stay here in manila and fulfill what I have always wanted. The other option would have been great if not for a lifetime adjustment that I have to be in. I am not ready for that. my life is just starting to fulfill a goal which I have pictured since I was young in the field I am into. Though the latter promises a greater feeling of nobility as a person which I always wanted to be but then again, life is never the same as before and getting to walk alone in this never ending "path-less travelled" route showed me a unique horizon that only a few (including me) has seen.

I am not sacrificing my passion but rather better fulfilling it in a more practical and suitable manner. This, my friend i s an act of maturity in a reality that life has offered me.

Living Alone with someone who should be "charmed"

Adjusting over the loss of someone has never been easy. Just like what the character Piper feels in the first few episodes of Charmed's 4th season which happens to be the series that I have been reviewing lately for the sake of that "teeny" feeling that I want to revive. We are the same in pushing to continue life even if its the hardest part in this current event of our lives. She , losing Prue (her elder sister) and me, of course losing my beloved lolah. So much for everyday of thinking how and why things should go that way and when would this hurt stop. Not to mention turning a 360 degree-change of acknowledging the fact that you must put both your feet at their best all the time. But now the question here is on how you would live with the rest of the people you have, right?

We are like the power of three--me, my lolah and my aunt. And now that the charmed peeps living in the manor seemed already uncharmed with all the changes that had happened, I am bothered. I was really seeing myself in that episode were Hollie Marie said " Prue was always the head and she would know what to do..." and I could have said the same thing after a few days of lolah's burial if I have had the urge to see the series. But this is not the main point in this episode of my life but the thought of me living with the remaining charmed relative...Yes, I have assumed being the eldest now and does all the messy parts including decisions on how to fight the daily courses of life. But what I don't understand is how she suddenly takes all things for granted! Including her ultimately just and easy position as my aunt or better termed as --'guardian'?! I never asked her to be my mom or something, but just a family which I only have since lolah's gone. That is what I don't get with her! In just as simple as cleaning the manor that we have or cooking atleast a meal in a day, I mean is that too much to ask? And for crying out loud, she is 44 years old! And me...well, just only half her age sir/madamme?! Oh...this set up is really like an abstract painting to me!!!

Her decisions are bad, her actions should still be tested twice, et al. Sometimes, I like to ask who is in her 40s and who's in his mid 20s? Get the jist? I am not overacting this , but this is how I get her idea of living. God! Now I am not surprised why her life was a mess. And I am sorry, because I have just saw that angel-postman sent a letter from God which reminded me that my life is great and I want to embrace it. I am afraid of so many bad and unfortunate things to happen in my life . But you know what, I once saw a prosperous and good life with her in it (or at least she being there plainly). But now, I am thinking twice...though one thing is clear and that is she is a family, a co-charmed and a person who still lives in this manor, even if not everyday. I just hope she would clear things up or change for the better before I get piss again or even worse...

Revived.

At last, I was breathing again. After a long period of endless nights of being depressed, I have gained the light from within. It was art all along which would take me out of that horrible longingness for nothing, sightless visions of darkness and being kidnapped by rounded aches by the unjustful debris of the cruel life...I have seen myself again in that mirror and this time, a more thinking person and happier.

Going back to writing and opening up to artistic endeavors helped me a lot to become a person that I was. A realization which haunted me during the days of regretting the life that I chose but then again, it was the same life where I am happy. And choosing it again, made me happier; turning all my senses on and not to mention my productive mind which is the most powerful part of this tired body then. I have to restart--this is the mode. So I did it.

Now, I see the day somewhat hopeful for something to look forward to. Avoiding the state of being just a lazy couch potato but instead successfully exercising my expertise and go beyond what I can do. In an insider joke from college "para akong nag DUP uli." But this time, its just me and myself on the ground, living in this unpredicatble world.

I look forward...I do what must be done...I am Paul and I am back...