What happened this weekend just has to happen...it came crashing through all of what I was avoiding to be in my life for the past years that I am breathing. I became the not-so me when it happened. I let the situation take the command and before I knew it, I was in the deepest, catastrophical state which I can't get out! I swam in the mud sea, run away from the forest of evil and drank the pees of the fallen angels. I was trapped when I became human and died at the same time to be the best angel there was during the wee hours of the night.
The day after that, I felt I was a trash in the bed...stinking and has been forgotten to be laundered. Then I had to face my colleagues and seeing them in exuberant out of being all together, I decided to keep the dirt with myself. But If something is smelling bad, it will come out. The day finished with us doing our usual take-offs as mid-quarter individuals and foreseeing the following day in a brighter light. But it was different for me...I thought to myself, "why rejoice when you know you can never be clean again?" But one of those dearest co-existent in the restless life saw what I was going through. He didn't ask but I felt it was the right time for me to explode. Explode like a candle slowly dying, losing its power to light his own existence. I began talking to him.
It was just a short exchange of life-bugging realities. It was time to go to our lairs and reset what was done. When I was on my way home, I realized that whatever has happened it wan't because of me or those culprits of miseries but the life which I insistingly fighting for. It was becoming unappealing to my system, to others and to the whole living economy that I know of. I had to act fast before it was too late and die as a living idea of pure and excessive misery. I don't want that and I was never like that before what had happened.
Losing and finding myself is just like a monthly check-up of my sanity. And this life which slowly kills the whole system or idea of my breathing has to die! I don't have to die, but it has to...it must kill itself so misery is ended. Sanity is revived. Love to live.
The day after that, I felt I was a trash in the bed...stinking and has been forgotten to be laundered. Then I had to face my colleagues and seeing them in exuberant out of being all together, I decided to keep the dirt with myself. But If something is smelling bad, it will come out. The day finished with us doing our usual take-offs as mid-quarter individuals and foreseeing the following day in a brighter light. But it was different for me...I thought to myself, "why rejoice when you know you can never be clean again?" But one of those dearest co-existent in the restless life saw what I was going through. He didn't ask but I felt it was the right time for me to explode. Explode like a candle slowly dying, losing its power to light his own existence. I began talking to him.
It was just a short exchange of life-bugging realities. It was time to go to our lairs and reset what was done. When I was on my way home, I realized that whatever has happened it wan't because of me or those culprits of miseries but the life which I insistingly fighting for. It was becoming unappealing to my system, to others and to the whole living economy that I know of. I had to act fast before it was too late and die as a living idea of pure and excessive misery. I don't want that and I was never like that before what had happened.
Losing and finding myself is just like a monthly check-up of my sanity. And this life which slowly kills the whole system or idea of my breathing has to die! I don't have to die, but it has to...it must kill itself so misery is ended. Sanity is revived. Love to live.
