Fighting It...

Hopefully this one will work....
Yes, I'm suffering from a depression which I cannot determine the very reason. I started feeling this state late last month of last year and it went on until now which made me come to realize I should take notice of what I was going through. Maybe one major reason is that work went off-handed when I thought it would be. To a very busy and workaholic life, it became as stagnant as how I see it. Maybe it isn't that sedentary but for a person like me it's between a measure of stillness to abyss.

As a friend jokingly told me, "kill boredom before it kills you," I find ways to fight it but then again, there days like now which I cannot control the emotions pouring in me. It's like I'm a child who cannot reach his bottle of milk when all he wanted was to sip on it. I know, days of this nonsense intensity over nothing and highly emotional imbalance will end but I have to address it now; spill it out so it may not bank on me the same way it few weeks ago.

Every time I try to accomplish something, it didn't happen because I didn't do it. Reason: nothing...I just didn't.I don't know if it's the place or environment I'm into. Maybe I'm not used to stay for more than one week at home doing nothing. Or maybe I'm not used to not being overworked with things. Another friend made me realize that maybe this is the time to just relax and set my mind freely--with everything that is. I answered her that I'm not that kind of person. Then it made me think that the very reason is that I wasn't able to do things I which I normally do whenever this resting season come to me. Like shopping, having coffee with friends with endless talks, or going out, writing, doing plays and so on.

Plans are there but I can't understand why I don't do any actions....maybe I will just have to try so I can be back with myself again. yes, that is actually the feeling...I feel I lost myself.

Well, the one that's lost is a determined Paul. So first thing to do is to be determined to be back on track and do what I used to do. peace!