I would like to understand what the word "now" really means in its truest sense. I have to admit, I still have those feelings of getting rid of to something which is not really happening ever since, fearing getting lost when in fact from the beginning I understand every single detail and of course being caught up to a situation that would worsen what is not worst!--sigh*
I have to owe all of these to the latest occurrence of me still being that artist, struggling to be exact whose life gets fucked up whenever no activity of greater art is present. My life has never been simple nor usual but the fact of the streaming nodes of such an artist hood, breathing gets even tougher. I thought I could quit...I thought I could move on to a next level of yoga-like process in searching for that resting state. But what can I do? I still am that person who loves the adrenalin apex, the restless conceiving of truth and astounding particulars of the laws of aesthetics. This is my now, and I have to face it.
Even if I have to change my current pursuit, at the back of my mind I know the reality that I couldn't change what I am...either for the bad or for the worse. Maybe this is the role that I have to take part in the world. I am one of those few chosen to live up the path-less traveled route; be the head navigator or something.
That is the "now" I guess and living it up is what I have to understand. peace!
I have to owe all of these to the latest occurrence of me still being that artist, struggling to be exact whose life gets fucked up whenever no activity of greater art is present. My life has never been simple nor usual but the fact of the streaming nodes of such an artist hood, breathing gets even tougher. I thought I could quit...I thought I could move on to a next level of yoga-like process in searching for that resting state. But what can I do? I still am that person who loves the adrenalin apex, the restless conceiving of truth and astounding particulars of the laws of aesthetics. This is my now, and I have to face it.
Even if I have to change my current pursuit, at the back of my mind I know the reality that I couldn't change what I am...either for the bad or for the worse. Maybe this is the role that I have to take part in the world. I am one of those few chosen to live up the path-less traveled route; be the head navigator or something.
That is the "now" I guess and living it up is what I have to understand. peace!
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